Danger! Danger! High Voltage!

This is the emergency evacuation plan for one of the libraries in Wichita.The red line illustrates that, in the event of an emergency, you are to run chaotically around the library, screaming in terror. I think this diagram is a little confusing, so I drew my own, more simplified version.
We visited Dad for a few days in Rogers before heading to the great city of Wichita. The people of Wichita (Wichitans?) seem to enjoy choice, 50 choices to be exact. Would you like a restaurant that serves 50 different kinds of hotdogs? Wichita. Need 50 different flavors of donuts for dessert? Wichita. Want to wash it down with 50 different margaritas? Say it with me, Wichita.

Besides the surplus of hotdogs and donuts, Wichita has a poop load of surprisingly great museums. The Museum of World Treasures has so many priceless artifacts that we honestly thought it was a hoax, but it's not. Who would guess that Wichita would house, among other things, the world's largest display of real dinosaur fossils, 4 royalty mummies, a shrunken head, and a piece of the Berlin wall?

Even with all of these attractions, Wichita has a surprising lack of... people. The downtown sidewalks are empty, save for the bronze statues of playing children and wandering adults. It's like a scene from the movie I am Legend. I asked a native if the heat wave was keeping the good citizens at home, but he informed me that this was typical downtown foot traffic. Wichita: lots of stuff, no people.

Now I'm sitting backstage as Matt does the summer's last performance of his new show, the Legend of Walter Weirdbeard. This is a show about a crew of pirates that finds a treasure chest full of old books. Dismayed, the crew mutinies, but the captain keeps them at bay by reading them story after story, until they fall in love with literature. Fueled by their new passion, the pirates head to the library to steal the books, only to discover that the library loans them for free. This show is newly minted, and Matt is riding it until the wheels fall off. After the first summer, a new show always needs some repairs and changes, but this show is going to need some serious attention. Matt literally did the last 5 performances with the stage duct-taped together and a hot glue gun on hand. Still, the show has been well-received, I think mostly because the stories the captain reads are so great. Please enjoy the tale I've linked here, "My Big Fat Mermaid Wedding". Note: I accidentally deleted Matt's video of this from the computer, so I filmed this one on the hotel wall. Just for you, readers.

I'll do funny things if you want me to, I'm your puppet.

What. You're wondering where the blog went? You thought I'd post more? I'm a busy woman, you know. I've got TV shows to watch, and sunburns to peel, and puppet shows to make fun of. You're lucky I even take the time to type all this out. Next year, I'm replacing the puppet tour blog with a twitter feed. The puppets will tweet at you, and you'll be sorry you ever doubted me.Yeah, we spent a whole week in a Georgia Tech dormitory, and it was puppetastic. "Oh, a puppet festival," you say, "that sounds like fun!" Well, those are the words of one uneducated in the puppetry arts. Let's get our college on and go to puppetry 101.Lesson #1: There are more kinds of puppets than you could possibly imagine. Most people are familiar with marionettes and moving mouth puppets, but those are only the tip of the iceberg. There are hand puppets, rod puppets, shadow puppets, found object puppets, giant body puppets, black light puppets... there's all sorts of things you can wiggle around in the name of theater!

Lesson #2: There are all kinds of puppet shows. Kids shows, adult shows, puppet rock operas, puppet art installations, etc. More importantly, there are good puppet shows, and more often, bad puppet shows. We'll get to that later.
Lesson #3: There are all kinds of puppeteers. It's shocking to me that there's enough of these guys to hold a festival. And boy, do they love each other. I very quickly learned that the puppet community is one big crazy happy family. Gross.

SO, now that you've learned a few things about the world of anthropomorphized objects, you won't be surprised that we were only a day into the national puppetry festival before we decided we needed some beer. After going to morning workshops and 4 shows per day, our friend Sean suggested we drink a few ahead of the shows, so that we might enjoy ourselves more. This is the puppetry equivalent of drinking until she's pretty. How many beers would I need to enjoy this show?

While that scale really measures the subtle differences between a terrible show and an awful one (4 vs. 5 beers), I prefer a binary system. Essentially, I ask myself this question: Would I rather be watching episodes of my drunk kitchen in the dorm room? Usually the answer is yes. Often I'd turn to Matt in the first few minutes of a show and mouth the words "drunk kitchen" to indicate my displeasure. Meanwhile, Matt has the same appetite for puppet shows that he does for Chinese buffets. After one plate, I'm done, but Matt goes back for seconds and thirds! Full disclaimer: Matt's review of this festival is considerably more rosy, but he's not the blogger, so you get my version.

I've decided that if I'm going to continue dealing with these festivals, I need to create a reputation that precedes me. I will be Matt Sandbank's b****y wife that finds puppets mildly amusing at best. Then, during the open mic night, I will do my own puppet show, called "The Puppeteer's Wife," that makes fun of all of it.

Aren't you so glad we're going back on tour? I'll post some of Matt's puppetry in the next blog.

I want to ride my bicycle! I want to ride my bike!

When I said that we were going to be in Nashville for 11 days, what I meant was that we were going home for a week and a half made of awesome sauce. We drove speedily and with purpose from Forrest City to Nashville's very own Melrose Pub. Why? About two weeks before we went on tour, I discovered that the Melrose Pub was raffling off the Fat Tire Ale 2011 Cruiser. As soon as I saw this beauty, I knew it was my destiny to have her. So, I went daily to buy a beer and a corresponding raffle ticket. I convinced my friends to go too. By the night we returned from tour, we stood strong with 50 tickets clutched in our hands. Who cares if I haven't ridden a bike for nearly a decade?! All. I. do. is. win.


That's right! I'm the brand new owner of that gorgeous bike. And I lurve it so much I'm gonna take it to the Sadie Hawkins dance!
And that was just one of the many victories of the week. Family dinner reconvened at Melrose to play trivia. No hipster prizes this time, just actual cash. After winning $50, we left the bar en masse, as Drew walked behind us and shouted "That's right! We won trivia and the bike!"

There were two, count them, TWO full nights of karaoke, not to mention a concert by our favorite absurdist punk circus marching band, and the Tour de Fat festival that featured everything from vaudeville shows to port-o-potty karaoke! We were unstoppable this week!





I had so much fun that I'll have to spend at least a week nursing my crispy summer fried skin. With puppets. And puppet workshops. And more puppeteers than you ever knew existed. That's right, Matt and I are at the National Puppetry Festival in Atlanta, and I'll be blogging about it all week. First quote of the festival, "When a puppeteer builds his stage, it's like when a Jedi builds his light saber."

Yep. All week.

And there's a feeling in my heart I can't explain. I'm going home.

It's the last day of the first leg of this year's tour, and we're careening through Arkansas after getting held up for 30 minutes in traffic.

We spent the weekend in Rogers with my dad, and filled it with the usual: coffee, beer, and massive amounts of pork. Matt performed in Eureka Springs for the third year in a row, before we headed to Tulsa. You remember Eureka Springs, right? Remember those youngsters? They were so innocent, untainted by the fame and the inevitable hard rock lifestyle that comes with puppet notoriety.

We’ve been to Tulsa a few times, but I don’t know that I’ve really captured its essence in previous blogs. If great libraries make great cities, then Tulsa is bleeping Emerald City. If great libraries make great cities, then Tulsa is the metropolitan version of Chuck Norris, and it will kick your ass with its giant grid system. The Tulsa library system has 24 branches, and many of them are quite large, and equipped with their own glorious theaters. Matt performed last night on a pirate-themed stage that has its very own green room (no joke). It’s not long before the WGC contract will read, “Mr. Sandbank will require a bowl of yellow M&Ms upon arrival.”

Unfortunately, Tulsa doesn’t have all of the things that one might expect a great city to offer. When I searched for Tulsan food options on yelp, the Quik Mart was the first recommendation with 5 whole stars (again, I’m not joking). Perhaps great libraries make cities that are very large. Or cities that have the resources to hire an abnormal amount of children’s performers. Still, we were able to find a few gems in Tulsa. It is home to the nation’s first and only seed to cup coffee shop, as well as the most riff raff hipster bohemian bar I’ve ever seen, the Soundpony.

The Soundpony describes itself as a bar that serves magic by the pint and shields beer lovers from drinking among doucherie. They also offer a weekly game of trivia. Now, let’s be clear about this, Team Sandbank is a pretty competitive bunch, and we play a lot of trivia (read: Matt plays trivia, Paige pretends to know answers and shouts at other teams). So naturally, after reading about the trivia game at the Soundpony, we showed up expecting to dominate. This was, however, unlike any trivia we had played. Let’s start with the prizes: 4^th place- a can of mace, 3^rdplace – an AK-47 decorative pin, 2 ^nd place – a 30 ft ninja grappling hook, and 1^st place – a giant Oklahoma flag. Seriously, these guys just dig around the bar and pull this crap out. Winners must conquer several rounds of questions, lists, song/artist identification, and a physical challenge. That’s right, to demonstrate our superiority, we had to construct and fly not one, but TWO paper airplanes, one for hang time, and one for distance.

I am sad to report to you that we are not the brand new owners of a ninja grappling hook. We are, however, on our way home, after a quick show in Forrest City. You remember Forrest City, don’t you? Yeah. It’s still like that.

We’ll be home for 11 days and making the most of it before we go on the road again!

Today's song.

Ride in to the danger zone!

Guess what happened this week.
BABY'S FIRST MALL SHOW!


When I first heard that Matt would be performing at the Jonesboro mall, terrifying images of food court flashmobs danced through my head. Fortunately, the venue far exceeded my expectations. The mall was fancy and new, and it featured tiny train rides for anyone that would pay a dollar. Matt performed for 150 kids in a beautiful empty store front and the show went great!

Still, the mall show paled in comparison to this week's other first time venue: A MILITARY BASE! Do you want to feel like a bad ass puppeteer? Take your puppet show somewhere that requires a background check, picture id, and full searches upon request. It took us about 30 minutes to get into McConnell Air Force Base, and the security hassle only made the experience more awesome!Once we were finally in, we realized the that a military base is like a glorious mall, complete with a bowling alley, a movie theater, and numerous restaurants. There's even a clothing store, though window shopping looks a little different on base.

In other news, Wichita was awesome, but we're going back so I'll tell you about all of its wonders when we return. For now, I'll leave you with a puppet video. So Matt is performing his new show as well as his old one on this summer's tour. This skit is a new addition to last year's show, never before seen by blog readers. Lucky you!




Here is today's song!

Did you know that the wind, when it blows, it is older than Rome and all of this sorrow.

I know that I promised puppets this time around, but I forgot where we were headed.

A month ago, I shouted to Matt from the next room, “Did you hear about the tornado in Joplin?” Standing in the doorway, Matt replied, “We’re going there this summer.”

“I don’t know if there’s a library for you to go to anymore.”

There is still a library, right on Main Street. And they still wanted Matt to come perform. Joplin is larger than we expected it to be, with a university and a bustling historic downtown. But travel south a little ways and you will see the part of Joplin that is barely there anymore. Of the 45 people that work at the Joplin Library, 10 have lost their houses. The only school is gone. Entire neighborhoods have been leveled.

The video below is the footage of our drive.

You can go to rebuildjoplin.com to donate money and needed goods. And here is today's song.

partyin' partyin' YEAH! fun. fun. fun. fun.

When I say that it's hot here, what I mean is that it feels like we're in Satan's pressure cooker. As soon as we got here, Matt and I regretted ever calling anything hot. That's not hot. This is hot. You wouldn't believe what parts of me are sweating. Sweverything.

*Picture was taken by my sister, Taylor Gmaz, cause none of my pictures of the twins came out.
So we dealt with it like any true Louisiana native: with copious amounts of beer, food, and swimming. Anouche and Per turned 4 and Taylor and Carlos threw them the most crunk birthday party any young child has ever had. It was like a frat party for 4 year olds. Afterwards the lawn was covered in the post-party wreckage of used water balloons and inflatable toys. Children had to be hauled away screaming. I literally saw a girl dig her claws into a bedside as her dad tried to pull her away.
Of course there were kick-ass cakes, tailored to each child's wishes. Presents were also numerous. Per got his life-long wish: a million trucks.
Some of you puppet blog super fans (read: Mary Ellen Sandbank) may have noticed that every blog title is a song lyric. I've taken the liberty of linking today's song, and I'll go back and link the others so that you can compile your very own puppet tour soundtrack. We're heading on to Arkansas now. Puppet videos to come soon!

we so, we so excited.